Sleeping Monkey

What better way is there to make kids to read, than to show some big ole titties

1 more amusing picture after the jump

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Step #1:

see where this is headed after the jump

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Goddamn is this creature gross. And to thing at one point was was considered the hottest piece of ass on earth. Granted, I never saw her to be that good looking, but most of the world did. Now she has turned into this complete train wreck. She is in her mid 40’s running around whoring it up all the time. It’s gross.

There are 5 more pictures after the jump, if you dare

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Yo, not to go all homo fashion police, but what the fuck is The Alba wearing on her feet? Did she murder Mr Wonderful Paul Orndorff, steal his shoes, add 6 inch heals to them, then go to the premier of her new movie (which looks like shit) dressed up as Dorthy’s slutty step sister?

Ugh, Jesus Christ. Well to get that out of your head there are 10 more pictures (minus the troll) of Miss Universe Stefania Fernandez after the jump. She really is a pretty lady, lets hope the career tanks and the clothes come off soon. (Miss Universe that is, not the troll)

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This? Seriously? I could stick a quarter between her teeth

This is what Britney Spears actually wore to the Grammys. This isn’t even the type of thing a low class stripper who had been sexually abused by her father would sleep in, let alone go out in public. I mean, what the fuck is going on here? Was she all cracked out and realize she was late and left her house wearing just a tank top and underwear, then ripped the screen off her front door and thought, yeah, this will work, I’m hot

The official Miranda Kerr wedgie picker. Hell, I’d even work for free.

OK, the good news, is I have a new batch of topless pictures from a celebrity out on the beach. Sounds good right? Well, now the bad part, said celebrity is Donatella Versace. So I warn you before you click. These pictures are not only safe for work, they are also not safe for an erection. After looking at these there is a very good chance your penis will be like ‘Peach out yo!” and file abuse charges on you. Same goes for your eyes. So you have been warned. I’m going to go throw up now

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Which slut is the owner of these terrible looking thighs. Hint: It’s not Cher, or anyone over the age of 60

Find out after the jump

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Jesus H Christ. Ok, I know Hayden Panettiere can look pretty good at times. But fuck me this is NOT one of those times.

This is awesome, from the NY Post…

Troubled comic Artie Lange landed in the hospital after stabbing himself nine times in an apparent suicide attempt, sources told The Post. Lange’s frantic mom called 911 Saturday morning after she entered his Hoboken apartment and found the bloodied funnyman, a law-enforcement source said. Lange sustained six “hesitation wounds” and three deep plunges. A source close to Lange’s management team confirmed that the Howard Stern sidekick stabbed himself, adding that his mother had come to visit him that day to drop off food. Surgeons managed to save Lange despite heavy bleeding.

Dude, seriously? A Guy who has an endless supply of drugs tries to kill himself by stabbing himself? In case he hadn’t noticed, he is also really fucking fat. He’d have to use a machete to get to anything important

Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich paid 1.7 million dollars for entertainment at HIS New Year’s bash in St Barts – Beyonce, Gwen Stefani, and Prince, each raked in over a half million dollars to perform for 250 guests at Abramovich’s 90 million dollar St Barts estate. The whole party cost FIVE million dollars.

I have actually seen meth addicted hookers who looked better than this. I’m not even exaggerating. Straight up whores who will suck your load for $10 just so they can score some meth and smoke it behind a gas station. Wow, married life has not treated her well at all

I know most of you aren’t 80 years old, so you don’t watch Wheel of Fortune. But last night they had a collection of the 3 biggest idiots on the face of the earth on there. It was the easiest answer ever and they missed it 5 times. ONCE WHEN THE ENTIRE THING WAS SPELLED OUT!

Most of you probably have no idea who this guy is. It’s Lindsay Lohan’s dad. And he is pretty awesome. Any dude who kicks a chick in the vagina is awesome as far as I’m concerned. Apparently he has this really long history of beating the shit out of his wife. Granted it was probably justified. But still..

According to the documents, Erin claims Michael physically abused her on the following dates…

Dec. 9, 2007: Michael Lohan “slapped Erin in the face twice because Erin accused him of giving her a fake watch on her birthday.

Feb. 2008: Michael “punched Erin in the mouth” because she had a male friend on Facebook

March 2008: Michael “whipped a computer cord” at her face but she blocked it with her hand … causing a laceration.

May 5, 2008: Michael “kicked Erin Muller in the ribs.”

May 2008: Michael “kicked Erin Muller in the vagina, bruising it and causing substantial pain.”

June 2008: Michael “spit in Erin’s face, and beat her repeatedly with his fist.” Then he “yelled at her to ’stop crying cunt — other people will see you — if they see you, I will kill you!’”

Apparently Anna Hathaway was driving around West Hollywood today and smashed into a dude who was riding his bike. Judging by the fact that the bike is Pink and Purple I’m gonna go out on a limb and say he plays for the home team.