Sleeping Monkey

Wowza, I always knew Marisa Miller was hot and I would pay money to make sex with her, but her over all hotness always distracted me from the fact that she has such a grade A ass on her. Jesus christ, I’d like to curl up and be friends with that thing. She was at the Super Bowl for some lame ass Direct TV “celebrity” flag football thing. And her ass is SO epic, that even one of those fags from the Twighlight movie couldn’t help but stare at it.

See: Homo approved

Anyhow, a bunch more pictures of Ms Miller after the jump

Read the rest of this entry…

I was talking to this African guy the other day, he was cool, but he got really worked up about why America Hates soccer. He couldn’t understand why.

First starters, just like to say that I’m well aware that what I am about to say is wrong.

But to me the reason I never liked soccer, first and foremost was because watching it, it looks like there is no skill what so ever involved. It’s just who ever can run the most with out getting tired, and the rest is just pure luck. Every once in a while, you kick the ball and it just so happens to go on the goal.

Like I said, I know that is 100% wrong, if I went out there and tried to play I’d get my ass handed to me. But for a person who grew up nothing nothing about the game, that is what it looks like.

Growing up in the US is a lot of areas, you never learn anything about soccer. Sure you have teams in school, but unless you’re on the team you have no exposure to it. We never played it in gym class, except, here’s a ball, go kick it for a while.

Outside of a Goalie I can’t even name another position.

So it ends up just looking like a bunch of people running around haphazardly kicking a ball around for a couple hours, which in turn is fucking boring.

I love baseball, and I will be the first to admit that it is extremely boring. BUT it’s something that I, and most people grew up with. We know the ins and outs of it, the positions, the rules, the players, the schemes teams go certain batters against certain pitchers. There are multiple things to celebrate. A hit, a Strikeout, a Home Run, Stolen Base, Perfect Game, Grand Slam. Where in Soccer the only thing most people know is a Goal. And lots of times a game will end with none.

The problem is the exposure is sooo limited in the US. Outside of a few games on cable, usually on tape delay at 3am, no one ever gets to see it. Meanwhile you have MLB, NFL, NBA, and to a lesser extent NHL games which are nationally broadcast, quite often on non-cable stations. You’re not going to generate more fans, without increased exposure. No one is going to become a soccer fan, or have a favorite player just from reading the scores in the paper.

The main reason? (and the same went for hockey to a lesser extent)

Because clock stoppages were too few. Advertisers didn’t want to invest money in games and networks didn’t want to pay $100s of millions for broadcast rights when they had no idea how many ads per game they would be able to sell. In Baseball, you know you’re going to have a 3 minute block of ads 17 times in a game for inning changes, at a bare minimum. Basketball and football, you have quarter breaks, halftime, time outs, ect.

A Network doesn’t want to go more than 12-17 minutes at a MAX between commercial breaks, they prefer the 8-10 minute range. That is why the NBA added the 2 TV timeouts per game.

But with soccer you can go a half hour with out any sort of meaningful play stoppage. The amount of ads you can show is limited. The amount that the networks would have to pay for the broadcasting rights would be so high that no advertisers would be willing to pay them, because they assume the viewership would be so low.

So it’s sort of gotten into a losing circle. They don’t televise because the networks can’t make enough money, and they can’t make enough money because they don’t televise.

So because of that alone, it’s very likely soccer will never catch on as a Major Sport in this country.

And the other major thing is, dumb as it is, in most people’s mind, soccer is for the faggy kids who can’t play football.

The team that ESPN has commentating their basketball games is fucking pathetic. I don’t mind Jeff Van Gundy so much, he’s just a bitter asshole, and being a bitter asshole myself I can relate. David Aldridge is annoying, he just likes to hear himself talk. Once he gets started he never shuts the fuck up.

Then You have Mark Jackson. Goddamn you Mark Jackson.

This guy is trying sooooooooo hard to have some sort of iconic catch phrase, like John Madden’s “BOOM” or Marv Albert’s “Yes!” or any of the other people.

But his is so fucking stupid, and when he says it, it doesn’t make any fucking sense. A catch phrase is supposed to go with something, a big hit, a touch down, a slam dunk, a home run, SOMETHING.

But every time I hear Jackson randomly blurt out “Mama There goes that man” I come close to punching my TV. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? SHUT UP!

I know Jackson has been trying hard to get a coaching job in the NBA, and despite the fact he is a semi retarded douche bag, I hope some piece of shit team like New Jersey or Indiana hire him, just so I’m not forced to listen to his verbal diarrhea while he commentates games.

Jesus, he might actually even be worse than Joe Morgan and Tim McCarver.

Oh yeah, I went there

The NBA announced the totals so far for the fan voting for the all-star game. And the one thing I have learned from this, is that people are retarded. First off don’t even get me started about how if voting ended today Vince Carter would be a starter in the east, despite the fat that he, well, sucks.

But in the West people have apparently gone full retard. Tracy McGrady is 2nd in voting, meaning that if voting ended today he would be a starter for the all-star game.

What the fuck?

When the hell was the last time he even played? He hasn’t played a single game this year, and he was out over half of last year. The guy has been a mess for the last 5 years, hasn’t even played in over a year, it’s WAY passed his prime, if he ever really had a prime.

Yet he has more votes that people like Steve Nash, Chris Paul, Chauncey Billups, Brandon Roy, Deron Williams? Hell he actually has as many votes as Billups, Roy, and Williams combined. That’s pretty damn sad

I’ve never actually watched Friday Night Flights. A Show about high school football just doesn’t do it for me, it makes me want to punch a baby or something. I’ve said it before, unless you are playing, coaching, or the parent of a player, people fascination with High School and College football is fucking creepy. Professional level? Sure have at it. But watching a bunch of kids you have no affiliation with? Creepy. I’d wager that if I was to show up at the 8th grade girls swim team practice and just sat there watching them people would have a problem with that. Because it’s creepy. But anyhow, besides that, Minka Kelly is pretty damn hot. It’s too bad she doesn’t go out more often because it’s hard to find pictures of her doing anything.

The sad part about these pictures is that, yes, that is Derek Jeter she is with. It’s not sad that she is with him because he is an asshole, it’s sad because he is like Typhoid Mary spreading herpes to everyone in Hollywood. Seriously, it’s getting out of hand.

Seriously, how pathetic is that? And that herpes tree is over 2 years old. cocksucker. Anyhow, here are some pictures of Minka on the beach with herpes boy.

What the fuck? This thing is real? I honestly thought it was some sort of joke or publicity stunt. Jesus Christ

I had heard of the Lingerie Football League, but I didn’t think it was ever going to really happen. Who in their right mind would invest in something like this? What the hell would they do? have like a Harlem Globetrotter type deal with 2 teams going and playing in bar parking lots?

Nope.

This shit is fucking real!

They have 10 teams, play real games, have real stats ( some chick rushed for 161 yards couple weeks ago). It’s like totally legit. Except it’s played by chicks. In their underware.

Tickets are only $8 a game, and they stream them online. I might have to go to either NYC of Philly to see one of these games.

Don’t these chicks end up with massive carpet burns after these games? They have helmets and shoulder pads and nee and elbow pads, but that’s it other than lingerie, and apparently the shit is tackle too? How the hell did this chit get by me? There’s already been like 20 games.