Sleeping Monkey

Jesus christ, I feel sicker now than I ever have in my life. I wonder if I have piggy death flu. Every inch of me hurts, my head feels like someone is driving nails into it, my throat is so sore I can barely talk. My back, shoulders, and legs are fucking killing me. Breathing hasn’t been going so smoothly. I sneeze every 30 seconds.

Just a total freaking mess. So probably won’t be doing any updates for the next couple days. I’m gonna just go to work, then come home and curl up in bed and pray for death

I actually just read this and damn near creamed in my pants a little

“Gossip Girl” star Blake Lively wants to shed her teeny-bopper image – by shedding her clothes for “Playboy”! And she’s asking a whopping $2.5 million to bare it all for the cameras!

“‘Playboy’ had already been calling her — she figures a ‘Playboy’ spread now will really give her some heat in her career. [Gossip Girl] has been a hit with teens, but she says she doesn’t want to get lumped in with the Jonas Brothers! Posing nude would certainly distance her from her tween fans and put her in the adult world.”

Apparently the old fart is haggling over the price. SHUT THE FUCK UP OLD MAN AND PAY THE CHICK.

When you have one of the hottest pieces of ass in the world, at the height of her career, while she is still young, who WANTS to pose for your shitty magazine. YOU MAKE THE FUCKING DEAL!

I’ve never given Playboy a single cent of mine. But if they had Blake Livelt in there, it would be the first, and only $6 of mine they would ever get.

Playboy has been teetering on bankruptcy for years, and if that senile old fart manages to fuck this one up then they deserve to go under

If you are like myself and can’t get enough of Ms. Lively you can see 400+ more pictures HERE

It’s funny how just the other day I was saying how nice it would be to finally get some Rosie Huntington nude pictures. Then today I stumble out of bed at the crack of 3:30pm, fire up the old internets and BOOM there they are, waiting for me. I don’t know exactly what the hell DT Magazine is, but fuck it, I don’t care. It’s got Rosie Huntington in it topless, so good job DT, who ever the hell you are. Pics after the jump are obviously NSFW

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Haven’t had too many post lately with the weight loss. Well. I started trying to lose weight in July of 2009 It’s now January of 2010. And as of yesterday I am down to 217lbs. That means I have lost 51lbs. My goal was 225. But just from living this way I burn more. I think I’m going to go for 210 at this point

Ok assholes, I’m ging going to allow registration for the 2010 Monkey Death Pool for another few hours. By Wednesday it will be done. You have a chance to win $250. What you have to do is sign up for the forum and post that you want to play, and then do the draft. Here is a quick run down of the rules.

I think the way I’m going to do it is each person gets 25 picks. Yes 25. And the same people can have the same person. It will go till December 31st 2010.

Age 90+ = 1 point
75-89 = 2 points
60-74 = 3 points
50-59 = 4 points
30-49 = 5 points
Under 30 = 6 points

Bonuses

Murdered = 40 points
Suicide = 25 points
Drug overdose = 10 points
Car/plane/ect crash = 10 points

The game starts now, so you can make your picks post them here, or if you have some secret sleeper you don’t want other people to know about PM them to me.

But like I said, registration is going to be done tonight or tomorrow morning and the picks will start to come in.

Signing up ( and posting) in the forum also has a lot of extra perks. There are a lot of extra things I post there which are not available on the main site.

But come tomorrow I’m locking that shit back down. I only open it up once a year or so. So if you miss out you are screwed. And I’m also not a fan of lurkers, so if you don’t post in a few days, account will be shut down and access will be denied

Forum link is over on the right

Frankie Sandford is a member of the British girls band “The Sundays”…. yeah, don’t feel bad, I’ve never heard of them either. But anyhow, she went out the other night to celebrate her 21st birthday and when she did she went out wearing a loose fitting, low cut top, with no bra. So the inevitable happened and her tit popped out. On a semi related side note. Granted her in the US your 21st birthday is a pretty big deal, the whole drinking age and what not. But if your somewhere like England, does your 21st birthday even mean anything? Who the fuck cares? It has no real significance what so ever. Yay you can drink in the US? If you’re famous you would have no problem getting into a bar when you are 18 or so. Hell, even 12 if you are Drew Barrymore

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Who? Before 5 minutes ago I had never heard of this chick before in my life. I got these pictures and looked at them and damn she is hot. I had to bust out my wiki stills just to find out who the hell she was, and that just left me even more confused. ….”Valerie “Bangs” Garcia (born May 26, 1987) is a Filipina actress. She is well-known for her role as Bangs, the mysterious punk rocker in ABS-CBN’s sitcom Let’s Go and Gokada Go. The nickname “Bangs” came about because her bangs cover her face.”….. A Filipina named Garcia? WTF? Did her dad get left back in the war or something? And by the way, born 1987. Does that shit make anyone else feel really old. When I see hot chicks with birth dates in the late 80, or even worse early 90s that are of legal age, it’s hard for me to wrap my head around. When I think a person born back then I stink of like little kids in middle school. Not people who are old enough to drink

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Ok, so I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with the site. My main concern was speed. As well as stopping the 503 errors because of the SQL database getting hammered. I was thinking of cutting own the content, and rebuilding the site. I had the little poll for if people would rather have the site have more content, or be smaller and just have the best of the best content. I was figuring that the results were going to be a land slide either way, but they actually ended up being almost exactly 50/50

So when I was at work the other night I had some downtime and thought about it. The first thing is I don’t want to rebuild the entire site yet again. that takes a lot of time. It would literally take a few weeks. Also, I don’t want to just throw away the 150+ regular posts and the 25,000 or so pages I’ve spent the last 3 months making. But at the same time I didn’t want the site to go down because of database issues.

So after a while I came up with a compromise. Which I think will work out for everyone.

First Step. The blog part of the site with the daily posts. Instead of doing the whole post in each section, instead I’m going to put like a leader for each post. Put 1 picture and then a little writing about it, and then the actual post will be there when you go to the next page.

The main reason for that was because of the pictures. I want to limit it to no more than maybe 20 pictures per page. That was the main problem. The image script is php based, and the images are stored in a SQL table. So every single image is a different call to the SQL server. The main page alone here has the last 20 posts, and those 20 posts can some times result in anywhere between 200-400 different images. Which per page view have to load, which slows things down, as well as hammers the server.

Second thing is the celeb galleries. There are over 22,000 pictures in there right now, and I still have another 5,000 or so yet to add, plus anything new I get each day. The way I had it set up was a page for each chick, and then every picture loaded on that single page. Again that’s anywhere from 5 pictures for no name chicks, to 300+ for someone like The Alba or some other hot slut who’s very popular and been around for years.

I have completely redone that. I actually built another site, into the monkey here. The pictures are now indexed by person, and multiple pages for each. It’s more organized, and a lot easier on the server. And I’m running that off a separate SQL database and server. So that means if that starts to get pounded it will not effect the actual site here.

So, the end result is the site is a lot smaller, which means faster, more organized and more stable. But at the same time, loses no content, and allows room to add as much as I want. I think that will work out for everyone

With the recent downtime issues due to various reasons I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with the site to make sure everything is up all the time and running up to speed. I’ve been adding a shit load of content to the site recently, there are around 30,000 active pages right now, and I had a few 1000 other things about ready to add. However the speed and stability (especially to the SQL Server) are a concern.

So I’ve come down to 2 conclusions.

#1: Leave the site as is, continue to add all the new extra content along with the blog part. Keep he nice neat design. Try to rebuild the back end, reindex things, move stuff around, perhaps kill a few of my other sites, keep it with the automated PHP system, try to find other areas that can be fixed, and hope that works.

or

#2: Go minimalist. Absolute basic layout, no PHP, straight HTML, nothing fancy, just a straight CSS layout. Focus time more on the blog aspect of the site and not the other content of the site. Completely drop the NES and Concert sections of this site. Add no other new sections. For the Celeb Pics Section, instead of posting ALL of the pictures in the Celeb Gallery section drop about 10,000 of them, only post the best of the best. Candid pictures of celebrities out wearing jeans and a sweater walking their dog or shit like that does not make the cut and will not be posted.

I’ll leave it up to you guys.

Do you want sleek looking site with a shit load of different content.

Or a Fast, straight forward site with only the best content.

Quantity or Quality?

What say you?

Edit: 1/19/10: I have decided what to do now

I keep getting messages from people who are all like “Hey I got an error on your page, upgrade your CPU/RAM/Bandwidth”

Let me just say. Fuck off. I don’t need any insight as to how to run a website.

The fact is there is no issue with any of those thing. I have a Quad-Core 2.83GHz Processor, the fastest there is. CPU wise I generally never even use more than 12% of it at any given time. As far as RAM goes I have 4GB, which again is not even used much. As far as bandwidth goes, I have no limitations. If I do 2TB a month, so be it. To go along with my 600GB hard drive.

I’m well aware of the random 503 errors, and I’m also well aware of the cause.

I run 24 websites on this server, all of them use PHP. Every page hit requires numerous calls to the SQL server. The server has a limit of 1056 simultaneous queries. When you go to the main page of this site for example. The header, footer, page index, every post, every single picture is a different query. 1 page view can result in 100+ queries.

If there are 1056 queries that hit the server at the exact same time, if you are #1057 you are going to get a 503 page.

It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes there are temporary spikes in traffic for a small period of time, like if the site is linked to Fark. Once the site is linked there and top on the list, it’s going to result in an extreme spike in traffic for an hour or so.

If you get a 503 page, all you have to do is refresh the page, which will put you back in the query queue and 9 times out of 10 will bring the page up.

At this point, that is the best I can do.

I can up the query amount to 2112. But I’m not going to. With the way it is set up, if you are past the query limit, it will instantly give you the 503 page, which you can then just refresh. Where as if I set it at 2112, instead you’re going to have to sit there and wait 45 seconds for the page to time out. Then start over again. But if you get the 503 you can refresh like 30 times in 45 seconds, and you’re never going to have to refresh 30 times.

I could upgrade the SQL server, but that is out of the question. Upgrading ti a new server would cost me around $400 a month. That’s not going to happen.

I am however taking some steps. The first thing I’m doing, if you haven’t noticed I’m adding a shit ton of extra content on to the monkey here (I have over 22,000 pages of content right now) and when I get other things added, some of the lower traffic sites, and ones I don’t feel like working on, I’m going to kill. Shut them down and delete them. Shutting them down will result in a lot less SQL calls to the server. A couple other sites I’m going to rebuild in HTML. That is going to be a slow go, but it will also result in a lot less fewer SQL calls. So, with that it will open up a ton of extra calls which can be used here.

I’m not sure if I’m going to, but I might redesign this site. Keep all the content, but do something like on the main page instead of having the last weeks worth of posts, do something like just put a single link to each post, which you can then visit. That way instead of 100 queries for images on the main page, it would just be like 20 links or whatever, and then each page a person goes to will be only between 10-30 calls.

But I’m not sure I want to do that, just because aesthetics along.

I’m working right now on the other sites to cut down the calls. I’ll monitor things for the next week and see how things go, and then I’ll go from there.

I was talking to this African guy the other day, he was cool, but he got really worked up about why America Hates soccer. He couldn’t understand why.

First starters, just like to say that I’m well aware that what I am about to say is wrong.

But to me the reason I never liked soccer, first and foremost was because watching it, it looks like there is no skill what so ever involved. It’s just who ever can run the most with out getting tired, and the rest is just pure luck. Every once in a while, you kick the ball and it just so happens to go on the goal.

Like I said, I know that is 100% wrong, if I went out there and tried to play I’d get my ass handed to me. But for a person who grew up nothing nothing about the game, that is what it looks like.

Growing up in the US is a lot of areas, you never learn anything about soccer. Sure you have teams in school, but unless you’re on the team you have no exposure to it. We never played it in gym class, except, here’s a ball, go kick it for a while.

Outside of a Goalie I can’t even name another position.

So it ends up just looking like a bunch of people running around haphazardly kicking a ball around for a couple hours, which in turn is fucking boring.

I love baseball, and I will be the first to admit that it is extremely boring. BUT it’s something that I, and most people grew up with. We know the ins and outs of it, the positions, the rules, the players, the schemes teams go certain batters against certain pitchers. There are multiple things to celebrate. A hit, a Strikeout, a Home Run, Stolen Base, Perfect Game, Grand Slam. Where in Soccer the only thing most people know is a Goal. And lots of times a game will end with none.

The problem is the exposure is sooo limited in the US. Outside of a few games on cable, usually on tape delay at 3am, no one ever gets to see it. Meanwhile you have MLB, NFL, NBA, and to a lesser extent NHL games which are nationally broadcast, quite often on non-cable stations. You’re not going to generate more fans, without increased exposure. No one is going to become a soccer fan, or have a favorite player just from reading the scores in the paper.

The main reason? (and the same went for hockey to a lesser extent)

Because clock stoppages were too few. Advertisers didn’t want to invest money in games and networks didn’t want to pay $100s of millions for broadcast rights when they had no idea how many ads per game they would be able to sell. In Baseball, you know you’re going to have a 3 minute block of ads 17 times in a game for inning changes, at a bare minimum. Basketball and football, you have quarter breaks, halftime, time outs, ect.

A Network doesn’t want to go more than 12-17 minutes at a MAX between commercial breaks, they prefer the 8-10 minute range. That is why the NBA added the 2 TV timeouts per game.

But with soccer you can go a half hour with out any sort of meaningful play stoppage. The amount of ads you can show is limited. The amount that the networks would have to pay for the broadcasting rights would be so high that no advertisers would be willing to pay them, because they assume the viewership would be so low.

So it’s sort of gotten into a losing circle. They don’t televise because the networks can’t make enough money, and they can’t make enough money because they don’t televise.

So because of that alone, it’s very likely soccer will never catch on as a Major Sport in this country.

And the other major thing is, dumb as it is, in most people’s mind, soccer is for the faggy kids who can’t play football.

I’ve had pretty good traffic on this site for a number of years now. For the last 5 years or so, the traffic per months has usually been anywhere between 750,000 and 5 million hits a month. Over the last few months it has been picking up a bit. I did have a period where it went way down. I had switched servers which has some DNS issues, and then there were some SQL issues, and I lost everything and the site was down for almost 3 weeks. That sort of killed things and took a while to pick back up. It’s finally getting back to where it was, and at the rate it’s going might be even higher.

I’ve been busy with rebuilding this and some other sites that I haven’t really paid attention to any specific traffic trends, so I had some free time a while ago and thought I would take a look.

As I was looking through stuff, I noticed that for some reason I’m like, very popular in Denmark. Which is sweet, since I am of Dutch decent.

But I’m not talking like, sort of popular, I’m talking fucking huge. In fact, 29.3% of my traffic come from Denmark. Think about that for a second, I’m US Based, writing in English about US stuff, normally US Based sites generally pull in 95%+ of their traffic from the US.

My site traffic rank in Denmark is 4,666th most popular site. Now, that might sound high. But take this into account. As of 2007 (most recent numbers I could find). The ISC (the organization that tracks domain names) said that there are 433,193,199 domain names. Yahoo index counts 19.2 BILLION different Websites. And As of June 2008 Google index has over 1 TRILLION different pages indexed.

I don’t want to sound like a stuck up prick, but in the top 5,000 is pretty damn impressive.

I’m also 8,056 in New Zealand. 35,372 in my homeland of Canada. And 93,173 here in the US

The team that ESPN has commentating their basketball games is fucking pathetic. I don’t mind Jeff Van Gundy so much, he’s just a bitter asshole, and being a bitter asshole myself I can relate. David Aldridge is annoying, he just likes to hear himself talk. Once he gets started he never shuts the fuck up.

Then You have Mark Jackson. Goddamn you Mark Jackson.

This guy is trying sooooooooo hard to have some sort of iconic catch phrase, like John Madden’s “BOOM” or Marv Albert’s “Yes!” or any of the other people.

But his is so fucking stupid, and when he says it, it doesn’t make any fucking sense. A catch phrase is supposed to go with something, a big hit, a touch down, a slam dunk, a home run, SOMETHING.

But every time I hear Jackson randomly blurt out “Mama There goes that man” I come close to punching my TV. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? SHUT UP!

I know Jackson has been trying hard to get a coaching job in the NBA, and despite the fact he is a semi retarded douche bag, I hope some piece of shit team like New Jersey or Indiana hire him, just so I’m not forced to listen to his verbal diarrhea while he commentates games.

Jesus, he might actually even be worse than Joe Morgan and Tim McCarver.

Oh yeah, I went there

HOLY SHIT!

Look, I know that she is 40 years old, I know that she has small boobs. But you know what? I don’t give a shit, I’m posting these anyhow.

For those of you who have been around here in monkey land, you know I have had a major crush on Gwen Stefani for a LONG ASS TIME. Seriously, we’re talking close to 20 years. Yeah, that’s right I was seeing No Doubt Concerts YEARS before Tragic Kingdom ever came out. We’re talking 200 person clubs that aren’t even full, and tickets were $3. We’re back when their big song was Trapped in a Box.

Anyhow, 2009 marked the 11th anniversary of the monkey, and in that time, I have never. EVER gotten Gwen Stefani bikini pictures. NEVER. Sure a bunch where she is in a bikini top, but never the whole thing.

So because of that, these get posted. And 40 and small boobs or not, she still has a hell of a rocking body.

God, am I really that out of touch with what the kids think is hip these days? Last week I showed my complete ignorance towards new music when Rolling Stone had their top 100 songs of the decade. This week they have the top 100 Albums, and it’s just as bad. The #1 Album is “Kid A” by Radiohead. I’ve never listened to the album. That’s right, I’ve NEVER heard Kid A. That’s like some sort of sin around a lot of people. I can’t help it, I thin Radiohead is fucking boring. They are like are like Coldplay, or an upscale version of The Frey. I don’t like Boring Ballads, if I want to listen to slow whiny shit I’ll crack up “Every Rose has it’s Thorn”. Not have I not heard the entire Kid A Album, I haven’t heard a single song of off of it, and have no intention to. Radiohead can go fuck themselves as far as I’m concerned, the only song of their I ever gave a shit about was Creep, and that was like 15 years ago. If I want to listen to a whiny early 90’s Alt Rock band, I’ll listen to Dinosaur Jr. of Sonic Youth. At least they have more than 1 song I give a rats ass about. Anyhow, here is the list

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1 | Radiohead: Kid A

2 | The Strokes: Is This It

3 | Wilco: Yankee Hotel Foxtrot

4 | Jay-Z: The Blueprint

5 | The White Stripes: Elephant

6 | Arcade Fire: Funeral

7 | Eminem: The Marshal Mathers LP

8 | Bob Dylan: Modern Times

9 | M.I.A.: Kala

10 | Kanye West: The College Dropout

11 | Bob Dylan: Love and Theft

12 | LCD Soundsystem: Sound of Silver

13 | U2: All That You Can’t Leave Behind

14 | Jay-Z: The Black Album

15 | Bruce Springsteen: The Rising

16 | OutKast: Stankonia

17 | Beck: Sea Change

18 | MGMT: Oracular Spectacular

19 | Amy Winehouse: Back to Black

20 | The White Stripes: White Blood Cells

21 | Coldplay: A Rush of Blood to the Head

22 | Green Day: American Idiot

23 | D’Angelo: Voodoo

24 | Bruce Springsteen: Magic

25 | Radiohead: Amnesiac

26 | Cat Power: The Greatest

27 | The Flaming Lips: Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots

28 | Yeah Yeah Yeahs: Fever to Tell

29 | Sigur Rós: Ágaetis Byrjun

30 | Radiohead: In Rainbows

31 | My Morning Jacket: Z

32 | Lil Wayne: Tha Carter III

33 | Daft Punk: Discovery

34 | OutKast: Speakerboxxx/The Love Below

35 | PJ Harvey: Stories From the City, Stories From the Sea

36 | U2: No Line on the Horizon

37 | 50 Cent: Get Rich or Die Tryin’

38 | Ryan Adams: Heartbreaker

39 | Kings of Leon: Aha Shake Heartbreak

40 | Kanye West: Late Registration

41 | Arctic Monkeys: Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not

42 | Elliott Smith: Figure 8

43 | The Killers: Hot Fuss

44 | System of a Down: Toxicity

45 | Kanye West: Graduation

46 | Justin Timberlake: FutureSex/LoveSounds

47 | Fleet Foxes: Fleet Foxes

48 | TV on the Radio: Dear Science

49 | Fiona Apple: Extraordionary Machine

50 | Bright Eyes: I’m Wide Awake It’s Morning

51 | Spoon: Kill the Moonlight

52 | M.I.A.: Arular

53 | Kings of Leon: Only By the Night

54 | Norah Jones: Come Away With Me

55 | Robert Plant and Alison Krauss: Raising Sand

56 | Vampire Weekend: Vampire Weekend

57 | Death Cab for Cutie: Transatlanticism

58 | Danger Mouse: The Grey Album

59 | Interpol: Turn on the Bright Lights

60 | Phoenix: Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix

61 | The Shins: Oh, Inverted World

62 | Johnny Cash: American III: Solitary Man

63 | Kanye West: 808s and Heartbreak

64 | Gillian Welch: Time the Revelator

65 | Manu Chao: Próxima Estación Esperanza

66 | Antony & the Johnsons: I Am a Bird Now

67 | Björk: Vespertine

68 | U2: How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb

69 | Missy Elliott: Under Construction

70 | Sleater-Kinney: The Woods

71 | Bright Eyes: Lifted or the Story is in the Soil, Keep Your Eart to the Ground

72 | Franz Ferdinand: Franz Ferdinand

73 | Coldplay: Parachutes

74 | Red Hot Chili Peppers: Stadium Arcadium

75 | Arcade Fire: Neon Bible

76 | Sigur Rós: ()

77 | Yo La Tengo: And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out

78 | Sufjan Stevens: Illinois

79 | The New Pornographers: Electric Version

80 | Kings of Leon: Youth and Young Manhood

81 | Ryan Adams: Gold

82 | Queens of the Stone Age: Rated R

83 | The Black Keys: Attack & Release

84 | Eminem: The Eminem Show

85 | Coldplay: Viva La Vida

86 | The Postal Service: Give Up

87 | Gnarls Barkley: St. Elsewhere

88 | Brian Wilson: Smile

89 | Radiohead: Hail to the Thief

90 | Amadou & Miriam: Dimanche a Bamako

91 | The Hives: Veni Vidi Vicious

92 | Bon Iver: For Emma, Forever Ago

93 | Johnny Cash: Unearthed

94 | The Libertines: Up the Brackett

95 | Alicia Keys: Songs in A Minor

96 | The Streets: Original Pirate Material

97 | Wilco: Sky Blue Sky

98 | TV on the Radio: Return to Cookie Mountain

99 | The Hold Steady: Almost Killed Me

100 | Leonard Cohen: 10 New Songs

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Again, I don’t know who a lot of these people are, and even the ones I do know I’ve never listen to the albums. Out of all of the albums on this list, here is what I have:

The White Stripes: Elephant = meh
The Flaming Lips: Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots = Enjoy Very much
Kanye West: The College Dropout – hate it
Kanye West: Graduation = Love most of it, except for a few songs (hate his other albums)
Kanye West: 808s and Heartbreak = worst album I have heard in years
Manu Chao: Próxima Estación Esperanza = ok if I’m in the mood for some bongos

And that is it. Seriously

This list fucking sucks, at least for me personally. It’s not like I listen to NO new music. But not this bullshit. Albums that I have that should have made the list instead of some of this other crap

Santana: Supernatural
Kid Rock: Devil Without a Cause. Love or hate the douche, it was a well put together album
Blink 182- Enema of The State
B.B. King & Eric Clapton: Riding with The King
No Doubt: Return of Saturn
Weezer: Green Album
Gorillaz: Gorillaz
Kelly Clarkson: Break Away
Black Eyed Peas: Monkey Business
Avril Lavigne: Let’s Go
Carrie Underwood: Some Hearts

So in closing.

Fuck you Rolling Stone

So Rolling Stone put out a Top 100 songs of the last Decade List. Jesus Christ, I feel old and totally out of touch with the kids these days. Not only do I have no idea what most of these songs are, I’ve never even heard of a lot of the bands. And I’m not talking, like maybe I’ve heard their name somewhere but can’t place the song, I’m talking flat out seriously had never ever heard the band name before I read this.

It should be pointed out that I have not watched MTV in probably 15+ years. Also I haven’t listened to the radio in probably longer than that. I don’t see the point of the radio to be honest. Ever singe I first got my license, my first car had a tape deck, and all my cars after that had CD Players. I have over 10,000 records, around 5,000 cassettes, and over 1TB of mp3s. With blank CD’s being like 10 cents, and being able to burn 80 minutes of music in under 5 minutes, I just do that. I burn like a new mix CD every day. I’ve got so many songs, WELL over 500,000 including the Live concerts I have. That it would take me a life time to listen to all of it. There are 1000’s of songs I love that I haven’t listened to in years. I just get up and there are songs I want to hear, so I load them up, and burn them while I’m taking a shower, rock out to that for the day, then usually toss it with the other ones in my car or throw it away. When I’m in my house, I don’t think there even is a radio in there anywhere. I just can’t for the life of me see a reason why anyone would even want to listen to the radio.

Also I never go to clubs. Ever. I refuse to go into one. I don’t even go to bars any more. But when I did I never went to bars with shit like a DJ, or would be playing new music. They would either be playing a sporting event on the TV, or the jukebox would be filled with stuff like AC/DC and Foghat. Plus almost all new commercial music sounds the same to me now days, I can’t stand it.

So here is Rolling Stones list, and my honest to God exposure to each song.

1 | Gnarls Barkley – “Crazy” – I know I’ve heard it, but I can’t think of it, if you played it for me right now I probably wouldn’t be able to tell you what it is.

2 | Jay-Z – “99 Problems” – When Phish played in Brooklyn in a few years ago, Jay-Z sat in with them during the second set. They actually played this song. That is the only time I’ve ever heard it, I’ve never heard the Jay-z version

3 | Beyoncé – “Crazy in Love” – never heard it

4 | Outkast – “Hey Ya!” -never heard it

5 | M.I.A. – “Paper Planes” – Never heard it, never even heard of the band

6 | The White Stripes – “Seven Nation Army” – Heard it, this is one of the last newer albums I bought cause people told me how awesome they were, I wasn’t really impressed.

7 | Yeah Yeah Yeahs – “Maps” – never heard it, or heard of the band

8 | Amy Winehouse – “Rehab” – never heard it

9 | U2 – “Beautiful Day” – heard it, it’s garbage, U2 hasn’t done anything good in almost 20 years

10 | Eminem – “Stan” – never heard it

11 | MGMT – “Time to Pretend” – for some reason Phish fans are really into this band. Their album was in the running for the Halloween show. I listened to one of their songs, thought it was garbage. This was not that song

12 | Eminem – “Lose Yourself” – heard it, not a fan, don’t like Eminem, or most new Rap for that matter

13 | 50 Cent – “In Da Club” – never heard it

14 | Missy Elliott – “Get Ur Freak On” – never heard it

15 | Johnny Cash – “Hurt” – this is one of the few I actually like, this song depresses the shit out of me, and I like sad shit

16 | The Strokes – “Last Nite” – never heard it

17 | Bob Dylan – “Mississippi” – never heard it

18 | Kelly Clarkson – “Since U Been Gone” – Yes, I admit, I’m a Kelly Clarkson fan, it’s a guilty pleasure, I’ve even seen her live. And yes I do like this song, fuck you for judging me.

19 | Kanye West – “Jesus Walks” – I have two Kanye albums, not the new one, but older ones. I don’t know most of the song names, some I like some I don’t not sure which this is.

20 | Justin Timberlake – “Cry Me a River” – never heard it

21 | OutKast – “B.O.B.” – never heard it

22 | Amerie – “1 Thing” – never heard it, or of the band

23 | Rihanna – “Umbrella” – never heard it

24 | Radiohead – “Everything in Its Right Place” – never heard it

25 | Missy Elliott – “Work It” – never heard it

26 | Coldplay – “Clocks” – never heard it

27 | The Postal Service – “Such Great Heights” – never heard it, or of the band

28 | Randy Newman – “A Few Words in Defense of Our Country” – never heard it

29 | Kanye West – “Gold Digger” – heard it, hated it

30 | R. Kelly – “Ignition (Remix)” – never heard it

31 | The Flaming Lips – “Do You Realize?” – heard it, it was ok, but nothing great

32 | Franz Ferdinand – “Take Me Out” – never heard it, or of the band

33 | Daft Punk – “One More Time” – heard it, hate it.

34 | Coldplay – “Yellow” – never heard it

35 | Bruce Springsteen – “The Rising” – heard it, hated it, totally boring and Springsteen has sucked for 20 years

36 | U2 – “Moment of Surrender” – never heard it

37 | LCD Soundsystem – “Losing My Edge” – never heard it, I THINK I’ve heard of the band, I think they have a song on NBA Live 06

38 | Gorillaz – “Clint Eastwood” – Heard it, love it

39 | Modest Mouse – “Float On” – never heard of it

40 | Kelis – “Milkshake” – never heard it, or of the band

41 | LCD Soundsystem – “All My Friends” – never heard it

42 | Arcade Fire – “Wake Up” – never heard it

43 | The Roots – “The Seed (2.0)” – heard it, everything by The Roots is money

44 | Britney Spears – “Toxic” – never heard her version, but there is a version from some other person on the NBA Live 06 sound track that I heard, it sucked

45 | Kylie Minogue – “Can’t Get You Out of My Head” – never heard it, thought she died

46 | MGMT – “Kids” – this is the one MGMT song I heard, and hated it

47 | Green Day – “American Idiot” – heard it, can take or leave it

48 | The Killers – “Mr. Brightside” – never heard it, or of the band

49 | The Walkmen – “The Rat” – never heard it, or of the band

50 | Beyoncé – “Single Ladies” – never heard it

51 | D’Angelo – “Untitled (How Does It Feel)” – never heard it

52 | Christina Aguilera – “Beautiful” – never heard it

53 | The Rapture – “House of Jealous Lovers” – never heard it, or of the band

54 | Coldplay – “The Scientist” – never heard it

55 | OutKast – “Ms. Jackson” – heard it, hate OutKast

56 | Radiohead – “Idioteque” – never heard it

57 | The Shins – “New Slang” – The only reason I heard this was because it was on the Garden State Soundtrack. I guess I sort of liked it

58 | The White Stripes – “Fell In Love With a Girl” heard it, not a fan

59 | The Strokes – “Hard to Explain” – never heard it

60 | Beyoncé – “Irreplaceable” – never heard it

61 | Jet – “Are You Gonna Be My Girl” – never heard it, or of the band

62 | Alicia Keys – “Fallin’” – never heard it

63 | Lil Wayne – “A Milli” – never heard it

64 | U2 – “Vertigo” – heard it, garbage

65 | Green Day – “Boulevard of Broken Dreams” – heard it, garbage

66 | Madonna – “Music” – never heard it

67 | Wilco – “Jesus, Etc.” – never heard it

68 | Coldplay – “Viva La Vida” – never heard it

69 | Santigold – “L.E.S. Artistes” – never heard it, or of the band

70 | Arctic Monkeys – “I Bet You Look Good on the Dance Floor” – never heard it, or of the band

71 | Justice – “D.A.N.C.E.” – never heard it, or of the band

72 | Kings of Leon – “Use Somebody” – never heard it

73 | Queens of the Stone Age – “No One Knows” – never heard it

74 | TV on the Radio – “Wolf Like Me” – never heard it, or of the band

75 | Arcade Fire – “Rebellion (Lies)” – never heard it

76 | Madonna – “Hung Up” – never heard it

77 | Dixie Chicks – “Not Ready to Make Nice” – never heard it

78 | LCD Soundsystem – “Daft Punk is Playing at My House” – never heard it

79 | Robert Plant and Alison Krauss – “Gone Gone Gone” – never heard it
80 | Phoenix – “1901″ – never heard it, or of the band

81 | Pink – “Get The Party Started” – heard it, it’s crap

82 | Jay-Z – “Dirt Off Your Shoulder” – never heard it

83 | The Gossip – “Standing in the Way of Control” – never heard it, or of the band

84 | The Clipse – “Grindin’” – never heard it, or of the band

85 | The Dirty Projectors – “Stillness Is the Move” – never heard it, or of the band

86 | Aaliyah – “Try Again” – never heard it

87 | The Knife – “Heartbeats” – never heard it, or of the band

88 | Jay-Z – “Izzo (H.O.V.A.)” – Only part I have heard of it I think is in that TV Ad for that video game

89 | Bright Eyes – “Lua” – never heard it, or of the band

90 | Midlake – “Roscoe” – never heard it, or of the band

91 | Bruce Springsteen – “My City of Ruins” – heard it, again, The Boss has sucked for 20 years

92 | Brad Paisley – “Alcohol” – never heard it

93 | Snoop Dogg – “Drop It Like It’s Hot” – heard it, hate it

94 | Radiohead – “Pyramid Song” – never heard it

95 | Mary J. Blige – “Family Affair” – never heard it

96 | Lady Gaga – “Poker Face” – never heard it

97 | Fleet Foxes – “White Winter Hymnal” – never heard it, or of the band

98 | Amy Winehouse – “Back to Black” – never heard it

99 | Gorillaz – “Feel Good Inc.” – never heard it

100 | Damian Marley – “Welcome to Jamrock” – never heard it

Seriously, how pathetic has the world gotten when we have videos like the one I’m about to post. A pathetic loser fat guy, who probably has never gotten laid, or leaves house, sitting there on his webcam just talking about the DVD’s he bought that week. And what kind of sick sad animal can buy and watch like 20 DVDs a week? I wish I had time like that, I’ve had the same 3 netflix movies sitting on my dresser for 3 weeks and haven’t gotten a chance to watch, or even burn them. Maybe if this dude went outside for a jog he wouldn’t be so fat, it’s sad watching him, he’s getting winded just from talking

The NBA announced the totals so far for the fan voting for the all-star game. And the one thing I have learned from this, is that people are retarded. First off don’t even get me started about how if voting ended today Vince Carter would be a starter in the east, despite the fat that he, well, sucks.

But in the West people have apparently gone full retard. Tracy McGrady is 2nd in voting, meaning that if voting ended today he would be a starter for the all-star game.

What the fuck?

When the hell was the last time he even played? He hasn’t played a single game this year, and he was out over half of last year. The guy has been a mess for the last 5 years, hasn’t even played in over a year, it’s WAY passed his prime, if he ever really had a prime.

Yet he has more votes that people like Steve Nash, Chris Paul, Chauncey Billups, Brandon Roy, Deron Williams? Hell he actually has as many votes as Billups, Roy, and Williams combined. That’s pretty damn sad

The following is an actual Dolce and Gabbana ad which you can find in a number of magazines.

What the fuck is going on here? What in Gods name are they even advertising? Because to me it looks like an advertisement for Gay Gang Rape.

Maybe my perverted mind tends to wander, but what the hell are you supposed to get out of this ad?

You have what looks like a naked passed out dude laying on the floor. Two clearly homo butt humpers sitting on the right intently staring directly at the naked dudes junk, and look like they are in some sort of intense conversation about it. Then you have the dude on the far left fixing his tie, like he just got finished with some sweet gay rape. Then finally you have the last dude who is standing over the naked dude, about to take his dong out and rape the shit out of poor naked dude?

Granted, I don’t wear any Dolce and Gabbana products, since I’m neither a Guido, nor a douche bag. But if I was to dress up in clothes to proclaim to the world how much of a tool I am, an advertisement for gay gang rape isn’t going to get me out running to the stores.

Ever since the age of about 12 I stopped giving a shit about Christmas. I don’t hate it, I just don’t care. And never mind the religious aspect of it, which is so freaking stupid. Jesus wasn’t even born December 25th. The early Christian church did not celebrate Jesus’ birth. It wasn’t until A.D. 440 that the church officially proclaimed December 25 as the birth of Christ. This was not based on any religious evidence but on a pagan feast. Saturnalia was a tradition inherited by the Roman pagans from an earlier Babylonian priesthood. December 25 was used as a celebration of the birthday of the sun god. It was observed near the winter solstice.

The apostles in the Bible predicted that some Christians would adopt pagan beliefs to enable them to make their religion more palatable to the pagans around them. Therefore, some scholars think the church chose the date of this pagan celebration to interest them in Christianity. The pagans were already used to celebrating on this date.

But I don’t care about that either.

As I was driving to work the other night, as I passed the tree farms, and all the houses decorated upto obscene levels. All I could think of, was, what a load of shit.

For the last few years all you hear about is save the planet, save the planet, save the planet. You get bombarded by people telling you to do the most bat shit crazy things to “green” things up. Only use one piece of toilet paper when you wipe your ass. Spent 20 minutes every day wandering around your house unplugging everything so you can save like a fraction of a penny on your electric bill. Go out and buy those shitty twisty light bulbs that save energy, but also suck donkey dick and are so weak that you have to have 2 lights on in a roon just so you don’t walk into stuff, totally negating any sort of benefit those shitty bulbs have.

But we’re constantly told to do all these stupid things that will barely make even the tiniest fraction of a difference.

But apparently December doesn’t count.

You have all the retards out there who during the year talk a good game, and do stupid things like go to the park and plant a little tree. But then Christmas comes around they go out and chop down a full grown tree.

People spend all year trying to save energy, go out and buy a hybrid, all that stuff. But then december rolls around and they string up 25,000 lights all over their house and lawn, and leave them lit 24 hours a day.

Most people such insignificant things over the course of the year to reduce their carbon foot print, but then December comes around and they shit all over the place. They might as well just run around spraying aerosol cans and lighting tire fires.

The place that I work patted themselves on the back in the spring when they planted 5 trees around the parking lot. The trees eventually died since a parking lot next to the expressway isn’t exactly an ideal place for growing stuff. When I went into work the other night I noticed that we have 8 fresh christmas tress around the building. So for all the “That-a-boy” back slapping for how we are greening shit up, tree wise the company is -3 for the year. And that’s counting the 5 planted trees which aren’t even there any more.

They also did shit to lower the electric use, like unplugging any laps or clocks that were on peoples desks at night. But then I get in the other night and there is easily a few 100,000 christmas lights strung up all around the place.

All these people trying to green shit up and do next to nothing over the course of the year, but then go crazy in december,. They will pat themselves on the back 11 months out of the year, but when it is all said and done, they are leaving shit in worse condition than when they started.

It’s so hypocritical, you can’t pick and choose when you feel like being environmentally friendly for when it suits you, that is total bullshit.