Sleeping Monkey

Jesus christ, I feel sicker now than I ever have in my life. I wonder if I have piggy death flu. Every inch of me hurts, my head feels like someone is driving nails into it, my throat is so sore I can barely talk. My back, shoulders, and legs are fucking killing me. Breathing hasn’t been going so smoothly. I sneeze every 30 seconds.

Just a total freaking mess. So probably won’t be doing any updates for the next couple days. I’m gonna just go to work, then come home and curl up in bed and pray for death

What better way is there to make kids to read, than to show some big ole titties

1 more amusing picture after the jump

Read the rest of this entry…

Sorry kids. Things were a bit weird around here the last week. Had a massive database crash, totally my fault, should not have been fucking around in the first place, then didn’t have time to fix it. But luckily I have been doing daily backups lately, so everything in the database was saved, except the layout, no big deal.

So now everything should be back up and running smoothly. I’ll be changing some thing around this week, but none of the main stuff, odds are most of you won’t even notice the differences.

Anyhow, after this week I’m not sure how often the updates are going to be happening for a bit. I’m changing my work schedule at work, so I’m not sure how that is going to effect thing. On the surface I’d think it would actually help around here, but who knows I’ve been wrong before. But for a little while there I’m going to be too damn exhausted to do much

Ok assholes, I’m ging going to allow registration for the 2010 Monkey Death Pool for another few hours. By Wednesday it will be done. You have a chance to win $250. What you have to do is sign up for the forum and post that you want to play, and then do the draft. Here is a quick run down of the rules.

I think the way I’m going to do it is each person gets 25 picks. Yes 25. And the same people can have the same person. It will go till December 31st 2010.

Age 90+ = 1 point
75-89 = 2 points
60-74 = 3 points
50-59 = 4 points
30-49 = 5 points
Under 30 = 6 points

Bonuses

Murdered = 40 points
Suicide = 25 points
Drug overdose = 10 points
Car/plane/ect crash = 10 points

The game starts now, so you can make your picks post them here, or if you have some secret sleeper you don’t want other people to know about PM them to me.

But like I said, registration is going to be done tonight or tomorrow morning and the picks will start to come in.

Signing up ( and posting) in the forum also has a lot of extra perks. There are a lot of extra things I post there which are not available on the main site.

But come tomorrow I’m locking that shit back down. I only open it up once a year or so. So if you miss out you are screwed. And I’m also not a fan of lurkers, so if you don’t post in a few days, account will be shut down and access will be denied

Forum link is over on the right

Ok, so I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with the site. My main concern was speed. As well as stopping the 503 errors because of the SQL database getting hammered. I was thinking of cutting own the content, and rebuilding the site. I had the little poll for if people would rather have the site have more content, or be smaller and just have the best of the best content. I was figuring that the results were going to be a land slide either way, but they actually ended up being almost exactly 50/50

So when I was at work the other night I had some downtime and thought about it. The first thing is I don’t want to rebuild the entire site yet again. that takes a lot of time. It would literally take a few weeks. Also, I don’t want to just throw away the 150+ regular posts and the 25,000 or so pages I’ve spent the last 3 months making. But at the same time I didn’t want the site to go down because of database issues.

So after a while I came up with a compromise. Which I think will work out for everyone.

First Step. The blog part of the site with the daily posts. Instead of doing the whole post in each section, instead I’m going to put like a leader for each post. Put 1 picture and then a little writing about it, and then the actual post will be there when you go to the next page.

The main reason for that was because of the pictures. I want to limit it to no more than maybe 20 pictures per page. That was the main problem. The image script is php based, and the images are stored in a SQL table. So every single image is a different call to the SQL server. The main page alone here has the last 20 posts, and those 20 posts can some times result in anywhere between 200-400 different images. Which per page view have to load, which slows things down, as well as hammers the server.

Second thing is the celeb galleries. There are over 22,000 pictures in there right now, and I still have another 5,000 or so yet to add, plus anything new I get each day. The way I had it set up was a page for each chick, and then every picture loaded on that single page. Again that’s anywhere from 5 pictures for no name chicks, to 300+ for someone like The Alba or some other hot slut who’s very popular and been around for years.

I have completely redone that. I actually built another site, into the monkey here. The pictures are now indexed by person, and multiple pages for each. It’s more organized, and a lot easier on the server. And I’m running that off a separate SQL database and server. So that means if that starts to get pounded it will not effect the actual site here.

So, the end result is the site is a lot smaller, which means faster, more organized and more stable. But at the same time, loses no content, and allows room to add as much as I want. I think that will work out for everyone

With the recent downtime issues due to various reasons I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with the site to make sure everything is up all the time and running up to speed. I’ve been adding a shit load of content to the site recently, there are around 30,000 active pages right now, and I had a few 1000 other things about ready to add. However the speed and stability (especially to the SQL Server) are a concern.

So I’ve come down to 2 conclusions.

#1: Leave the site as is, continue to add all the new extra content along with the blog part. Keep he nice neat design. Try to rebuild the back end, reindex things, move stuff around, perhaps kill a few of my other sites, keep it with the automated PHP system, try to find other areas that can be fixed, and hope that works.

or

#2: Go minimalist. Absolute basic layout, no PHP, straight HTML, nothing fancy, just a straight CSS layout. Focus time more on the blog aspect of the site and not the other content of the site. Completely drop the NES and Concert sections of this site. Add no other new sections. For the Celeb Pics Section, instead of posting ALL of the pictures in the Celeb Gallery section drop about 10,000 of them, only post the best of the best. Candid pictures of celebrities out wearing jeans and a sweater walking their dog or shit like that does not make the cut and will not be posted.

I’ll leave it up to you guys.

Do you want sleek looking site with a shit load of different content.

Or a Fast, straight forward site with only the best content.

Quantity or Quality?

What say you?

Edit: 1/19/10: I have decided what to do now

I keep getting messages from people who are all like “Hey I got an error on your page, upgrade your CPU/RAM/Bandwidth”

Let me just say. Fuck off. I don’t need any insight as to how to run a website.

The fact is there is no issue with any of those thing. I have a Quad-Core 2.83GHz Processor, the fastest there is. CPU wise I generally never even use more than 12% of it at any given time. As far as RAM goes I have 4GB, which again is not even used much. As far as bandwidth goes, I have no limitations. If I do 2TB a month, so be it. To go along with my 600GB hard drive.

I’m well aware of the random 503 errors, and I’m also well aware of the cause.

I run 24 websites on this server, all of them use PHP. Every page hit requires numerous calls to the SQL server. The server has a limit of 1056 simultaneous queries. When you go to the main page of this site for example. The header, footer, page index, every post, every single picture is a different query. 1 page view can result in 100+ queries.

If there are 1056 queries that hit the server at the exact same time, if you are #1057 you are going to get a 503 page.

It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes there are temporary spikes in traffic for a small period of time, like if the site is linked to Fark. Once the site is linked there and top on the list, it’s going to result in an extreme spike in traffic for an hour or so.

If you get a 503 page, all you have to do is refresh the page, which will put you back in the query queue and 9 times out of 10 will bring the page up.

At this point, that is the best I can do.

I can up the query amount to 2112. But I’m not going to. With the way it is set up, if you are past the query limit, it will instantly give you the 503 page, which you can then just refresh. Where as if I set it at 2112, instead you’re going to have to sit there and wait 45 seconds for the page to time out. Then start over again. But if you get the 503 you can refresh like 30 times in 45 seconds, and you’re never going to have to refresh 30 times.

I could upgrade the SQL server, but that is out of the question. Upgrading ti a new server would cost me around $400 a month. That’s not going to happen.

I am however taking some steps. The first thing I’m doing, if you haven’t noticed I’m adding a shit ton of extra content on to the monkey here (I have over 22,000 pages of content right now) and when I get other things added, some of the lower traffic sites, and ones I don’t feel like working on, I’m going to kill. Shut them down and delete them. Shutting them down will result in a lot less SQL calls to the server. A couple other sites I’m going to rebuild in HTML. That is going to be a slow go, but it will also result in a lot less fewer SQL calls. So, with that it will open up a ton of extra calls which can be used here.

I’m not sure if I’m going to, but I might redesign this site. Keep all the content, but do something like on the main page instead of having the last weeks worth of posts, do something like just put a single link to each post, which you can then visit. That way instead of 100 queries for images on the main page, it would just be like 20 links or whatever, and then each page a person goes to will be only between 10-30 calls.

But I’m not sure I want to do that, just because aesthetics along.

I’m working right now on the other sites to cut down the calls. I’ll monitor things for the next week and see how things go, and then I’ll go from there.

Most of you probably have no idea who this guy is. It’s Lindsay Lohan’s dad. And he is pretty awesome. Any dude who kicks a chick in the vagina is awesome as far as I’m concerned. Apparently he has this really long history of beating the shit out of his wife. Granted it was probably justified. But still..

According to the documents, Erin claims Michael physically abused her on the following dates…

Dec. 9, 2007: Michael Lohan “slapped Erin in the face twice because Erin accused him of giving her a fake watch on her birthday.

Feb. 2008: Michael “punched Erin in the mouth” because she had a male friend on Facebook

March 2008: Michael “whipped a computer cord” at her face but she blocked it with her hand … causing a laceration.

May 5, 2008: Michael “kicked Erin Muller in the ribs.”

May 2008: Michael “kicked Erin Muller in the vagina, bruising it and causing substantial pain.”

June 2008: Michael “spit in Erin’s face, and beat her repeatedly with his fist.” Then he “yelled at her to ’stop crying cunt — other people will see you — if they see you, I will kill you!’”

Sorry kids, I’m working on stuff around here today, but I hope to have everything back up and running in a little while.  I’ll explain the changes when I’m done